Step 10 and Step 3, again.

This will be a quick one as it's late and I have to be to work early.

So I've been on Step 10 for... a while now. A couple months... why is a whole other blog post.

Anyway, part of the problem is Step 3. I still struggle with trusting God.
In Step 3 the manual states that we kept taking our trust away and giving it back?
Still doing it!
I'm fine with trust regarding my addiction. I'm very willing and able to turn that over to Heavenly Father.
I just hoard everything else.
"I'm fine, Heavenly Father. I got this! You take care of my addiction. I can handle the rest."
He doesn't work that way.

Fortunately, God has not given up on me. (A whole other blog post).

Anyway, one of those reasons is my job. I work a minimum wage job that tests and tries and triggers me a lot.
I've wanted to quit from day two.
And God won't let me. I mean, okay, I could just quit. But no income and tons of debt = stupid move.
So I figure this is my Joseph in Egypt moment.
Yes, Joseph did say to his brethren, after he was king, rich, and had forgiven them for the whole "selling him into slavery" thing, that it was God's plan and so it was all good, but I wonder about him earlier.
Genesis doesn't say much about Joseph's feelings before that.

Betrayed and in jail for being righteous, Joseph interprets the dreams of the Pharaoh's butler and baker. He asks the butler for help. Joseph asks the butler to remember him to Pharaoh. After all, I imagine, surely, since Joseph interpreted these dreams with God's help... here's his chance to be free. God provided this! So the baker meets his untimely end and the butler gets his job back, and promptly forgets Joseph.

The next chapter, Genesis 41:1 starts out with this:
And it came to pass at the end of two full years, that Pharaoh dreamed: and, behold, he stood by the river.

Two. Full. Years. What did Joseph do during those two years? Did he pray and hope and ask God why? Maybe.
I wonder what it was like, because that's how I feel at various times.
Take tonight. I was called in the late evening and asked to come in and help out. So, I figured, I could use the extra hours. More money!
And I got there, not very happy (yes, I am aware that I could have said no. See more money comment above) to find no one there. And I quickly got mad.
"I hate this" I started murmuring and that led to more murmuring. Muttering while I vacuumed.

Finally, after about 10 minutes of this, I stopped and started talking to the Lord. I asked for forgiveness and I started reciting the Serenity Prayer. (Silently) "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference." Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

My attitude changed and I was able to help with a better attitude and a lighter heart. I could see the blessings in what I was doing.

I wonder if Joseph of Egypt went through these moments. The Joseph Smith in Liberty Jail moments where you say, "Okay, Heavenly Father. How much longer do I have to do this? I think I've learned what I need to learn. May I move on, please?"
Because this doesn't feel like a small moment to me.
For Joseph of Egypt it was two years more in a jail he didn't deserve to be in.

So yet again, it is giving trust back to Heavenly Father and asking for help and strength to make better choices tomorrow. For wisdom and gratitude and the ability to recognize His hand in my life.

"For how could we hope to see His face, who never could see His hand?" - "The Power of God," From Cumorah's Hill

I love this song. It's one of my dailies. I still listen to it. 
(so much for a short blog entry. :P)