Meeting with the big B

I'm doing something brave this week, which is good because I've been putting it off for months.
My ward got a new Bishopric in, um, March.

As the new bishop got up, the Spirit told me that I needed to meet with him.
And it tells me that practically every Sunday.
But there's been General Conference and a Family Reunion or I've had to work... excuses, excuses.
I had written reminders to call and make an appointment, but it didn't happen. 
Then Sunday (much like my Step 9. Remind me to blog about that someday), it was rather...
unavoidable.

The Spirit would not leave me alone. The Bishop got up to talk and it was like a constant litany in my head. Make an appointment. You need to tell him. Call this week.
I had tithing to turn in, so I went up front. "If he's free, I'll ask if I can talk with him after church." He was just coming off the stand and taking tithing envelopes, so I handed it to the first counselor...
So close!

Okay, I tried to call yesterday and the Executive Secretary didn't return my call. I will try again tomorrow.

I'm very nervous. Luckily, a very dear friend has offered to come with me. You know moral support so I don't run away. ;)
I'm trying to analyze why I'm nervous and a little scared.
I don't think I'm afraid of being judged. I think, maybe... maybe it is just fear.
Confessing this is not an easy thing.

When I first started recovery, I did use my bishop a lot, but not every single week. He never asked me to text him when I was struggling or call anytime. I think he, and I, figured that K, my amazing support person, would do that.
So when I prepared to come home, K mentioned talking with my Bishop and I thought about it and never did... until I put in my application to be a facilitator. You have to meet with your bishop for that.
I still remember to this day the shock on his face when I told him. Not a shock of... judgement, but more like a what-do-i-do-now shock. And then the poor man started babbling about urges and how this addiction is hard because of those urges. I smiled.
And we didn't meet specifically about this again. Now, this bishop was very supportive. He asked how I was whenever he saw me, at tithing settlement for example. He wholeheartedly let the ARP missionaries do their presentation in our ward one Sunday. (Love those. Have you had one? No? Tell your bishop you want one.)

I'm wondering why I've felt such an impression to meet with this bishop. I don't know him well. I am very impressed with him as bishop. I feel the love he has for the ward members, including me.

Pray for me! Pray I'll get the secretary's answering machine at least. It might be more reliable than a 10 year old.