Heartsick.

Um. Hi.
I have no idea what to say, but I feel like I need to write.

It hasn't been a "great" week. No listening to conference talks every night, BUT I have been better at getting to bed at a good hour and somewhat better at getting up on time.
Until I set my alarm for PM instead of AM and was half an hour late to work.

There's something else going on that I can't go into details about yet. A book that I read from a series that I adore, triggered a really big emotional reaction that I'm still trying to analyze.
It was unexpected and left me, well, heartsick. It's triggered some memories and, anyway. I'm still not sure what I'm going to do.

As a result of the lack of sleep last night, I've been feeling very panicky, tired and heartsick. Not the best way to fast and try to teach a lesson. I know part of the problem is that in the darkest days of my addiction, I read material that was related to this. Let's just leave it at that.

Anyway, I've talked to Heavenly Father about this, more like a pleading cry for help. Like I said, this is totally unexpected. The panic attack feelings are not helping.

So I started reading For Times of Trouble by Elder Holland and watching church videos.
I'm feeling better.
I'm going to pray more about what to do (throw away the series, etc).
Anyway, life goes on.
Sorry if this is depressing.

What am I telling other people? It's not worth holding onto something that keeps you from the Lord.
Sounds like I need to take my own advice.