Let's try that again.

I couldn't sleep Sunday night.
Part of the problem was that I was thinking about blog posts and wanted to record an experience I had, so I pulled out an old journal to find the entry and then started reading. Next thing I knew, it was 2 am and I was supposed to be to work in 5 hours.
Plus, reading those entries, from about 10 years ago, depressed me. I realized, while reading, that I am in a similar situation, (Hey, at least I'm not in my addiction!), where I am feeling stuck and trying to have faith that it will all work out, but wondering if I'm doing the right thing. If I'm on the right path.

BUT it was also good to see how I've changed. In those old entries, I talked about my fantasy world, my books, and "messing up" (that was my code word for masturbating).
I had a full time job that I lost because well, while my boss was gone, I came in maybe once a week. Today I have a job that I don't like, but I show up every shift. Yay for progress!

However, when I kneeled down to pray that night, I told Heavenly Father how I was feeling, which wasn't great, but I told Him that I had faith it would work out.
Still, I am so grateful for the experiences that I have had. They have taught me so much.

Oh, the experience I was going to share?
10 years ago I was having a horrible week. I was supposed to be going to a university in England for my last year of my school, but my funding fell through and I was suddenly not going. So I was having to find a place to live and register for classes. I found a place, but it wasn't available for a week, so I spent that week sleeping on a friend's floor and they weren't exactly clean so it was a little gross, and having to completely change my class and work schedule to graduate. So one day, walking back to my temporary home, I was tired and discouraged and a little bitter. The thought came that the Lord knew exactly how I felt and I replied, "I don't recall that Jesus was ever a university student."
That was slightly sacrilegious. And I felt humble and sorry for thinking that.
Eventually I settled down and life got better.

Anyway, going to work on 3 hours of sleep is not good. So I'm not sure I did a good job with the negative thoughts, as I was so tired I can't really remember my thoughts or most of the day.
And last night, as I knelt down, I remembered that I was supposed to have been watching my thoughts.
Ha ha ha. Okay, so we're going to try again.

Today I did okay on that. It was my day off and I was actually productive!
I also got to buy new garments! I love that I am worthy to purchase those sacred items.
Sometimes it pains me to remember what I did while wearing my garments. But I'm not that person anymore.
I am so grateful for the atonement.

It's been a gorgeous rainy day and I have enjoyed it. I feel at peace.

I just need to remember that God knows what is in store better than I ever do, will or can.