I am grateful in the storm.

The past couple days have been a little difficult.
I've been triggering really bad. Even TV commercials. I can't even watch morning TV! Seriously, they are so... inappropriate.

BUT I am loving the scripture study for Alma 5:27. I finished reading all the scriptures in the Topical Guide under "Man, New, Spiritually Reborn." Wow.
I need to do another blog post about the scriptures, because this would be a really, really long post.

I've been feeling very peaceful since my blessing. Not perfectly peaceful, but, well... peaceful.
One example is my job.
Not hate... it's very complicated. I am getting to the point that I feel that I need to move on, but I've told the Lord that I will stay if He wants me to stay. I'm trusting that something good is coming. I know that I've needed this experience. It has really helped me with Step 7. One of my friends told me she was doing an inventory of her character weaknesses... which I didn't know was a thing to do. But the Lord helped me with them anyway. Oh, did He help me. He's put me in situations and jobs that have led to me dealing with those weaknesses with His help to overcome them.

I listen to a lot of Christian radio. Actually, that's all I listen to. Yes, there is a local station that plays Mormon music. They even have Conference talks and BYU devotionals at times. The only problem is the music tends to be a bit... boring. There I said it! I'm sorry, but it is!
You can only listen to 5 different orchestral renditions of "O My Father" so many times. I love Kenneth Cope. I love Michael McLean and Michael Webb, but other than them, most contemporary Mormon music is the same.

Anyway, I started listening to Christian over a year ago when I was on my way to a PASG conference and wanted to listen to something spiritual to prepare myself and I was out of range of the Mormon station. I heard "You Love Me Anyway" by Sidewalk Prophets and it really touched me. After that, I started listening on my way to work.
Now I listen to it pretty much all the time! I don't like contemporary radio stations. This way, I don't worry about a lot of commercials or having triggering songs suddenly come on the radio.
Now I have a huge list of songs that I love. Christian music just gets it (for me at least).

One of the stations plays sermons of ministers. I like to listen to them occasionally because, well the insights are cool. Not at a First Presidency, Elder Holland or the Quorum of the Twelve level, but pretty good. Yesterday I was listening to one on the Children of Israel while I did some outside work. He talked about being grateful IN our afflictions. He used the concept of cancer and how you may not be grateful to have cancer, but we can be grateful for the blessings IN having cancer.
That's how I feel about my addiction. I am not grateful I have depression and panic attacks either, but I can be grateful in those situations. I am not grateful I am an addict. It is hard, but at the same time, I see the blessings, the changes that are in my life because of recovery and I give thanks that I am in it.
I am grateful for the awesome people I have met. The wonderful ARP missionaries I get to work with. A manual that is so worn out and gets damaged more every day (I should post pictures).
I am so grateful to be in my own head!
No fantasy world. I'm working on the obsessive thinking, but that, at least, is real.
Less TV and music.
A relationship with God is definitely more worthwhile than Game of Thrones.

Yet I still struggle. I've been very homesick for the United Kingdom lately. It comes in waves. This one is a huge wave.
I am trying to have faith it will all work out.

I attend the Correlation meetings for ARP missionaries. I like it because the missionaries are awesome and I love getting to know the elders. We always have a lesson on the next step and this week was Step 10. That means I get to facilitate on it too. Ha ha ha.
I realized, while I was listening, that I have been over thinking Step 10, putting way too much pressure on myself. So I am going to work on the Study & Understanding this weekend and see where I go from there. But not keep putting it off!
Also, really cool moment. I was online and came across one of those advice blogs and I thought "I can't read that, because then I'll have to tell someone." Accountability is helpful!

I have a new "theme" song. I've added it to my playlist that I listen to almost every day.
It's the latest from Mandisa and, well, I sang it tonight in my car and the tears came, a little.

Addiction. Life. Hardship. Trials. All can be overcome with the Savior.

I know that is true.
1 John 5:4-5
For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the word, even our faith.
Who is he that overcometh the world, but he that believeth that Jesus is the Son of God?

I am an overcomer.