The past two weeks

Hello, again.
I meant to post last week, but, well I was exhausted. Traveling 1000 miles in three days will do that to you.
Needless to say, I didn't get a lot of work done on Step 10. I'm working on it, though.
As in, actually trying to implement my nightly routine.
As in, when my alarm on my phone goes off at 9pm, I actually get offline (I love that you can set a time limit on K9, so it shuts off my internet at a certain time and doesn't allow it to reconnect until another time. I really really need that), anyway, so I will do a relaxation routine, study my scriptures/Sunday school lesson/Step and then pray.
Which will hopefully lead to a better morning routine than waking up just in time and having to pray in the car for the five minutes it takes to get to work.

I had a stressful weekend. It's hard to see other people moving on to great things when I feel stuck.
Again, I know the Lord is trying to teach me patience.
And humility.

Anyway, so coming back to work was hard. I was exhausted. I was sad/depressed and I was feeling restless. I almost slipped.
See, I have this stupid habit of reading advice columns. I think it was just something I did when reading the paper. Now, of course, they are online. And each and every one has one or more very inappropriate
questions or answers. I skip over them if I spot them. But this week I didn't. I didn't read it seeking a thrill, so I don't feel it's a slip. But it could have been. It was very close to it. Big mistake. Triggers and thoughts and all that fun stuff. "Words. Words. Words. I'm so sick of words."
I felt so bad. I prayed a lot.

So I am stating it on this blog for all to read: I cannot read advice columns anymore!
Now that I've put that out there, I can stick to it. Accountability.

The neat thing is that the Lord used this last week to teach me two very important lessons.
1) Sometimes I have to fight my own battles.
I stood up for myself and something I thought I deserved from my job. I could have sat back and prayed about it. Instead, I addressed it with my manager and got more than I planned on. Yet, if I'd left this to the Lord alone, without any action on my part (I did pray for guidance in what to say), then I don't think anything would have happened.
He expects action. I can pray for help with my addiction, but if I keep the same patterns (as in reading advice columns), He can't help me as much as if I don't work on it from my end too.

2) I have no idea what He wants me to do. And it will be okay.
I have felt torn for a long time between two choices. One would lead me back to the UK, but doesn't seem possible. (Yes, I am aware that all things are possible with God. Sometimes, though, we get a big, fat "no"). The other would involve moving and, well, it's complicated.
Anyway, so I've been thinking a lot about the future and what I should do, what I want, etc.
I slept in Sunday and missed the sacrament in my ward, so I was going to catch the other ward's sacrament. I was standing outside the chapel, scouting out seats for a quick exit after the sacrament, when I thought I should just go put my stuff down in the Relief Society Room. So I did. Just as I put my purse on the chair, a sweet older lady in my ward asked how I was doing. This led to the usual job discussion, when she suggested a job that I hadn't considered. Wow.
I'm going for it.
It might not happen. But He expects action! I told Heavenly Father what I was doing and asked for His help to find my way.

We'll see what happens.
And I do need to work better on Step 10!

So, my alarm went off over 30 minutes ago.  Time to go start my routine.

Before I go, I wanted to share this song:
This is exactly how I am with my Heavenly Father and Savior at times, especially lately. I need to remember who They are, that with Them all things are possible, and that I can do hard things. If I turn to my Savior and Heavenly Father.