First off: I have a job!
A real, permanent job!
YAY!
It was a Christmas present from my Heavenly Father.
Of course, this being me.... my body is now freaking out.
Somehow, I can make it through the stressful portion and then, when things calm down, my body and brain say "Ok, life is good. Crisis over...now lets freak out." I've been battling panic attacks and, surprisingly, a lot of triggering thoughts, memories... one of a "book" I was writing years ago.
I keep giving it up to Heavenly Father. I don't want anything to come between me and Him, especially memories that I have repented of. Nice how Satan likes to drag those up.
I don't want those. I want my Heavenly Father.
Not to say it's hard.
I've been battling fantasies. Especially of having a boyfriend. The holidays, for some reason, bring a feeling of loneliness for me. Really, I am fine being single. In many ways, I can't imagine having a boyfriend. I haven't had one since I was 16 and... what would I do with one?
I'm still struggling with my crush and so I try to think of what I want in a boyfriend, but that veers too close to fantasy territory. Gah!
Also, being the holidays, I haven't been eating the healthiest, which I know contributes.
So my resolutions are to work out more often, work Step 11 more often and watch my sugar, because I'm starting to suspect that sugar is addictive.
But I have a job! I'll have a desk! A place that is mine.
Things are settled. It feels really nice. Like huge weight has been lifted.
Finally, March of 2015 will mark my fourth year since starting recovery! Wow.
I am so grateful for the ARP program. It has blessed my life in so many ways.
I am reborn. I am made new. I am healed through my Savior and Redeemer because I took courage and went to see my Bishop all those years ago.
If you are struggling, please see your Bishop. It may not be a perfect experience. Pray for your Bishop. Heavenly Father wants you to come back to Him. And if you take that first step, as I did, you will find that He is "anxiously reaching for you," as Elder Holland says.
Bring on 2015! With God on my side, who can stand against me!
Nice! Congratulations on the job. That's a huge thing. I've been working towards having a permanent job for the past... forever.
ReplyDeleteI remember on my mission telling an investigator about the word of wisdom and his first question was "what about sugar?" After a bit of confusion he explained his belief that sugar is just as addictive as anything else we try to avoid. I didn't have any good response, and I think he may be right.
Good luck, and keep being awesome!
R
http://fitmaniaforlife.com/nutrition/kicking-the-sugar-habit/
DeleteThanks Robert! It is truly a blessing, because there weren't really any other options for me at the moment. :) Not that I didn't fast and pray and apply for anything under the sun.
DeleteThanks, Annette, for the link!