Why I love ARP

Due to the craziness of the holidays and life, I missed ARP for three weeks.
I've struggled with ARP here, for various reasons, the big one being it's on a Friday and if I want to go somewhere for the weekend, I miss it. But I also know that I need to attend group. I definitely feel the miss if I don't go.
And the past three weeks of group have been wonderful.
My heart is so full of gratitude for this program. How it's helped me. How it's changed me.

January has been hard. My roommate left for the whole holiday weekend, which is good. But also worried me a bit. Being on my own for a whole weekend may not be great. My depression and anxiety has come back, so I didn't get much done. But I also didn't give in to temptations. I also exercised!

I've had some money stresses lately. Basically, I want my own place. While I love my ward, I feel the need to be on my own. My own pad, with my cats and my own furniture. My television programs. The problem is, apartments are ridiculously expensive here and I'm not sure how much I can afford.
And, due to some paperwork problems, I'm having to pay back part of my last paycheck and I won't get the replacement until next pay day. And I haven't gotten these new paychecks yet!

Basically, I feel a little adrift. I am so grateful to have a job. But I also need to plan for the future and, as the future has always scared me (my first panic attacks would be around birthdays, holidays, big events like graduation) and I realized that is one of the reason's I haven't been making goals, like 5, 10 year plans, etc., is that the future scares me. I'm still working on overcoming that. I struggle with goals, so I'm looking for ways to set goals and achieve them. I found a great resource on line to help set goals while dealing with depression. I hope it helps.

Last week's group was on Step 2 and as we started reading, I realized I hadn't looked at Step 2 in a long time! It was almost like reading a new step. It reminded me how important consistent review of the steps is. I have been struggling with hope and I hadn't been reading a step that would help me with that struggle! Duh.
So I'm going to start reading at least one recovery scripture every day. It may be Step 11, Step 1, Step 2, but it's going to be a recovery scripture. I would like to start reading Step 1, 2, or 3 every night again. I think it would really help.

Friday I was talking to a friend who shared that one of her relatives is an addict. They have lost their family, their job, and been arrested numerous times. As I listened, I mourned for this person and their family, including my friend. I prayed that they would somehow find recovery. (I ended up sending my friend a link to the ARP program for spousal/family support). And I also thought how that could have been me. I stood in danger of losing it all too, once. Well, I stood at the top of that steep incline, maybe even a few steps down. I am so grateful that the light of Christ was strong enough to help me see that I needed help four years ago and prompted me to go the Bishop. Even if I thought it would be a month without the sacrament kinda deal. Not a Four years in Recovery one. Not that I would change anything! I love this program. I am eternally grateful that it is in my life!
I cannot cease singing praise to my Lord and my God for helping me to be in recovery 4 years later. It's not easy. I still struggle and I know that there are still changes to be made. I'm still learning to choose Heavenly Father over many things, but I know I can do it with Them by my side.
Every day I pray for the ability to turn my thoughts and emotions over to Heavenly Father. To recognize when I need to lean on Him.
I am a miracle. He healed me.
As my AA coin says, "I not only believe in miracles, I depend on them."


Update: So I found a place this weekend! My own apartment! It's a basement in the house of a Christian couple near work and I am so happy. I can have my cats! Yay!