Hi! I haven't disappeared.
It's been a month since my life changed rather suddenly.
This past month has been good and lovely and full of blessings... and hard and sad.
The job is still good. It's the rest of it. Balancing a new work schedule with a commute! Learning to live with someone. I haven't had roommates in years. A new ward. A new culture. A new ARP program.
That's been the hardest. I've only been able to attend one. I actually missed it this last week too, which is not a good thing.
New is hard. And while the first week of work was great and life was good, these past couple of weeks I've struggled. I've felt depressed and sad and sometimes a little hopeless. There have been triggers and temptations too. There have been some trials involving money too. One is resolved, one is not. I'm trying to be patient and trust in the Lord.
My computer died (another reason I haven't been blogging) and I got a new one. And I don't have K9 on it. And it is soooo tempting. I put my own K9 on it, which means I have the password. I'm not sure if that's going to work or not. We shall see. If not, I'll have to find someone that can do it for me. The main problem is time spent on the computer, i.e., staying up until 1am, but having to take steps to access a website or turn the wifi back on after hours involves some work, so it's nice to have the reminder. Sometimes I actually obey it!
I'm reminded that life is not just addiction. When I started recovery, I foolishly thought that all my trials and temptations would only be about my addiction. But I am more than an addict and my trials reflect that.
So I'm trying to work on Step 11. I was going to do it today, but I'm running out of time.
I know I need to make more time for the Lord. I'm back to praying on my commute and at night I'm usually so tired that I can barely keep my eyes open.
Also working on a daily schedule of specific things to do morning and night and times to do them.
Sleep and getting up on time is still a problem.
This has been a struggle in faith because I have always been a night owl and I am horrible at getting up on time.
So I'm trying to do as much as I can do to resolve this, to do research and write down goals and then see if the Lord will help me.
I'm hoping so.
My heart is full of gratitude for my Heavenly Father, my Savior and the Holy Ghost.
They are fighting for each and every one of us. I know that.
They are helping me fight this fight. They will not leave me.
Psalms 150:6
Let everything that hath breath praise the Lord. Praise ye the Lord.
I had a dream last night that I had to move...when I woke up I was so happy it wasn't true. I'm glad you put a positive spin on it and point out that there were blessings along the way, but I sympathize for you to actually be in that difficult moving adjustment phase. Roommates especially would be tough.
ReplyDeleteI also love your line about our trials reflecting our more-than-an-addict existence. Thanks for posting!
Thanks for commenting! It helps to have someone else understand.
Delete^^Ditto to what he said. I'm glad things are calming down. And new IS hard. I'm glad you're liking your job.
ReplyDeleteThanks! :)
DeleteThat can be hard. I hate new situations. Fortunately for us, this last move was a positive one for the most part.
ReplyDeleteWhen Kilee was still in Arkansas and I was alone in Texas, something that helped me to get off the Internet at a reasonable hour was the Stayfocusd app in the Google Chrome store (although I'm not sure which browser you use). But I set it to shut down my internet at 10 p.m. and then I set up a ridiculously hard task I would have to do in order to change that setting. Needless to say it worked :)
Ooo, I will have to try that one. Because I don't need to be online at 11pm! :) Thanks!
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