How does He do that?

Last week was rough. Wednesday and  Thursday were really low days and I was so, so, so grateful for PASG! We were on Step 6 and, as always, the Spirit teaches me something every week on every step.

But, Thursday was another low day. I was tired, I was sad.  There were all these sad news stories I was reading. That tragic ferry sinking in South Korea, etc. There's always bad news out there.
I was so tired and depressed. I forgot to mention I'd let two people down by falling asleep and missing two appointments the day before. So I felt like I was letting EVERYONE down (not true) and that my life had no meaning! (also not true).

I planned to go to the temple that night, but I started making excuses about being tired, not being ready, etc.
Still, I decided to go.
I needed to go. And I am glad I did! I left feeling loved and uplifted and happy.
I love the temple.

Plus, I learned something.

We all know the story of Adam, Eve and the forbidden fruit. I noticed in Genesis that Satan tells Eve that it is necessary to eat the fruit because she needs knowledge.
He does that to me today too.
Telling me I needed to read those books to "know what to expect." Or "how to act."
Ha ha ha ha.
Obviously, these are lies. I didn't need any of that "knowledge." Satan LIES!!!

Heavenly Father is a God of Truth.
I love this gospel and I loved Easter weekend.
I love Easter hymns! To celebrate the resurrection of my Savior that allows me to conquer death.
To conquer this addiction. And all those lovely character weaknesses.

I wish I could say that life has been great since then, but it is still hard.
Still tired of my job. And feeling down about a lot of things, like life. I do sometimes feel very stuck and off the path I should be on. Ha.
Today, especially. Tears feel very near for some reason. I'm feeling very emotional.
Still, I am praying for help.
"Even if it's just to speak His name..."

Sanctus Real "Pray"

Plus, I think I'm getting sick... which is not cool!

So I'm giving all this up to Heavenly Father.

In hopes that I'll receive strength to keep going.

There is good news! Monday night I read Step 11! I'm actually starting on this step!

YAY!
This weekend there is an ARP workshop! I'm so excited to go. It will be a lot of fun and I'm hoping to learn a lot.

In the meantime, my plan is to get some sleep.
I found this chapter the other day and I love this passage:

Lamentations 3
31 For the Lord will not cast off for ever:
32 But though he cause grief, yet will he have compassion according to the multitude of his mercies.
33 For he doth not afflict willingly nor grieve the children of men.

I think it went well?

Met with the Bishop today.
I was nervous.
I had no idea what I was going to say!

I mean, going in to see my bishop for the very first time two years ago was, well, a cinch.
I told him what was going on. He told me that I had an addiction. I started recovery.
Okay, it wasn't easy. Still, I knew that I needed to see my bishop. I knew why.

I knew I needed to see my bishop this time.
But why? And what was I supposed to say?

I prayed. I was going to fast.
I decided I wanted breakfast.
I prayed.
I texted my friend to come be my support buddy.

I went to church. I was convinced he was watching me. Wondering what I wanted to see him about.
(Hello addict thinking! It's not all about me!)
I kept trying out different ways to start the conversation in my head.

Relief Society ended and I still had no idea what I was going to say.

I met my friend and made my way down to his office.
You may notice that bishops are fairly popular after church...
so I waited. The whole ward could have needed to meet with him first and I would have been cool with that.
The clerk asked me if I needed a temple recommend and I latched onto that like a drowning person on those round floaty things.
Yes!
But I could meet with a counselor then...
okay so yes, but could I still meet with the bishop?

Finally he was free. And... it went pear shaped.
First off was the temple recommend interview. Passed that.
I do love being able to say yes when he asks if I live the law of chastity!

Anyway, but the recommend part threw me off.
So the bishop handed me my recommend and then asked about me and I kinda blurted out that I'm a facilitator with ARP.
I may or may not have confessed my addiction.
At some point. I think.

So, as my friend said after, now I need to make an appointment for the real confession. :)

I told him how I'm struggling but not struggling.
He said he understood what I meant.
My bishop is a good man. He was sweet, kind, gentle, and understanding. No looks of shock.
He asked if I needed him to check up on me. He said we all have things we struggle with.
He gave me his cell number.

I could have stayed there longer, but I knew there were people waiting to see him.
So the plan is to make an appointment in a couple weeks for the "real" confession.
See how I'm doing with Step 10 at that point.

Well, it didn't go as planned, as much as I "planned," but I feel better.
It was completely a Stacey experience. :)
Slightly odd and with great chance of needing to be redone.
Thank heavens for second chances.